Without You
by Aifos Margni
Summary: What if Katniss Killed herself? What will Peeta be and what will he do?  Rated T for suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss's Point of View

Peeta and I just heard that we can't go home. Only one of us can go home. Peeta is so nice; he shouldn't have been here in the first place. He most definitely should not be bleeding to death in front of me. He hasn't fought for himself at all. He only tried to protect me and that's killing him right in front of me. I know that he'll bring change to District 12. I know that more people will make it back home if he becomes a mentor. He'll encourage them and anyway that he can.

"Peeta, I'm going to go get us something to eat. This changes nothing, understood? Not you, me, or anyone else. We're both going to get out of here," I told him. Peeta nodded, a confused look on his face.

I walked away thanking God that Peeta didn't notice that I had the nightlock berries attached to my hip. I know that he was going to be angry with my decision, but I have to do it. It'll be best for the people of our district as a whole.

"Forgive me, but please help my family," I said, begging Peeta for when he saw this afterward. Begging Gale to forgive me for not coming home. Begging Prim to not hate herself when I did this. I swallowed the nightlocks and faintly heard the boom announcing my death before I closed my eyes for good.

* * *

><p>Peeta's Point of View<p>

I hope that Katniss comes back soon. I truly love her and even though I'm dying right now for a woman that doesn't entirely love me, I wouldn't take it back. I got this wound defending her and I'll die defending her too. The last few days have been the best of my life, because she's been with me. I think that she's beginning to fall for me, but it'll never happen now.

Then I hear the cannon.

No, no, no, no, she couldn't have. Tell me that she didn't. Tell me that I died, but still haven't noticed. I stop fighting and begin to accept death. I see a hovercraft come towards me, once a welcome sight because it would take me home to a life _with Katniss_. Any other kind isn't worth it for me. I lose consciousness and hope that when I wake that Katniss will be in front of me.

* * *

><p>Peeta's Point of View<p>

When I wake up, I'm in a hospital bed. They explain to me that they've amputated my leg because it had lost too much blood. They offer to put some weird fake leg thing, but I choose a prosthetic. I don't really pay attention to them, I'm thinking about Katniss. I can't stop feeling empty. She killed herself. Why?

I hope that it's not because of me. That is the most horrible thing that she could've done. I love her, no girl is going to compare to her and they're going to throw themselves at me. I don't want them, I want the girl that can sing so beautifully that the birds stop to listen. I want the girl who was independent and does anything to protect the people that she loves.

What's her family going to do? Maybe. . . she wanted me to help them? Why? Every time that I look at Prim I see one of the reasons why she's gone. She probably thought that I'd look past that since I'm so kind and caring. . .

She decided before she left. Katniss decided before she left. She didn't want it to change how I see her and how I see the world. How could things be the same? She was my love, my life. Even if she decided to marry Gale, I'd have been okay. She would've been happy and that's what would've made me happy.

I don't want to do anything, but now I have to go see Portia and her crew. I have to watch the highlights from the Hunger Games. Why? I don't want to see her die. Watch the twinkle in her eye disappear and her fall to the ground, still and cold.

As my designer's team goes to work, Cinna shows up. He was Katniss's stylist and she liked him. I was almost happy to see that he looked like he was in the kind of pain that I was in. Not the pain of the others in the capitol, mourning what could've been between me and Katniss. He was mourning _her_, and I liked and respected him for it.

"Hey Peeta, do you think that we could talk privately?" I nodded my assent and followed him into a side room.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta. I know that you're in pain, I hurt too. It was hard, but I think she'd want you to have this," Cinna said once we were sitting. He held out his hand and in his open palm was Katniss's mockingjay pin.

I pinned on to my suit, over my heart, which I noticed was all black, "Thank you, Cinna. I really have no idea how to repay you." There were tears streaming down my face, but it made me feel closer to her.

"It was no trouble. She. . . was extraordinary. Katniss was strong and always stayed so because her family always relied on her. You were the one that she showed her weak side, you were the one that she relied on. When she was everyone else's rock, you were her's."

Cinna started crying near the end of his little speech. Listening to him, I figured out that Katniss viewed him as a friend or family member. She trusted him, so I would too.

"Thank you, I hope I was. I love her and don't know what to do now," I replied honestly.

Cinna thought for a moment then said, "You need to take care of her family, her mom, sister, and cousins like Gale. Most importantly, take care of yourself and be happy. Tell that to Prim too. Do not put her sacrifice."

"Thank you, Cinna," was what I said, then it was time for me to watch the Hunger Games. . .


	2. Chapter 2

Peeta's Point of View

As I walk to where I have to wait underneath the stage, I think of everything that's happened. A lot of that's happened since that day when we were five. . .

"Peeta, see that girl? The one in the red plaid dress with pigtails," My dad said, pulling on my sleeve before letting me go in and pointing to the girl. I nodded and he continued.

"I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran away with a miner," he got a faraway look in his eyes and I was confused.

"Why did she go with him when she could've had you?" I was confused; they made less money than bakers. It was baffling; a lot of the miners' children were hungry.

"It's because when he sang even the birds would stop to listen," I didn't believe him. I've never heard a person's voice make the birds stop and listen.

I went to class and we introduced ourselves, her name was Katniss. I like her name, but I was too shy to say anything. After we introduced ourselves, we went to music. I liked music, but my voice was bad. It wasn't good at all. I enjoyed it when the musicians played in The Hob.

The teacher asked us who knew the valley song and Katniss raised her hand. The teacher called on her and told her to come to the front. She set up a stool for Katniss to stand on and told her to sing. She sang and it was beautiful. I've never heard someone sing so sweetly and it was like the Mockingjays, nothing has ever sounded better than them and that's her. She has the most beautiful voice and face; the birds were even quiet to listen. I fell for her and now she's gone. . .

I was standing on the weird plate thing that would raise me to the stage. Everyone was whispering around me how tragic it was and how brave she is. I know how brave she is. She has always been brave, always taken risks for those that she cares about. It hurts me that she killed herself to protect me. It also makes me happy in a sick way to know that she cared.

I started rising then and the crowd went wild. I didn't look at them, I simply strode to the couch that I was supposed to sit on with Katniss, watching this replay together, but of course _they_ could never let something so happy to end the hunger games with, no _they_ destroyed the one happiness I've had since I was chosen. I can't help, but wonder what I should do about Prim and her mother. I guess I should help them since their only source of income was Katniss.

Caesar had already introduced me at that point and was trying to start a conversation, "So Peeta, what are you going to do now that you've won the hunger games?" His voice was light and happy, it made me want to wring his neck.

"I don't know, my life plan was destroyed the second Katniss died," I said it in a hard voice that made him step back. He didn't expect me to be like this, he wanted the joking and charismatic Peeta. He died with Katniss.

"Well, uh. . . You should try taking up a hobby. You know maybe something that you can use to pass the time?" I hated him in that second. So I showed it.

"No, I don't want to do anything and I don't want to be here. I'd rather that it was her here and her that got to go back home. Why would I care about something as inconsequential as a _hobby_," I said it in contempt, "When the love of my life isn't here with me or even _alive_?"

Caesar shut up after that and the audience had been silent since my first remark. Caesar then started the hunger games replay and everyone was silent. I watched as we killed each other, killed kids younger than us and killed the people we used to call friends. Then I saw the alliance between Rue and Katniss, I knew that it would happen. Rue was small and her fragility reminded me of Prim. Then Rue died.

Katniss sang and then the birds sang with her. I fell in love with her again right on the spot. I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave, I just want to remember her.

I watched as all the happiness was thrust in my face like it was a future I could've had. A future that was right there for my taking. I was crying and then I saw as she died and her words came to me again. I can't let this keep me down and then I heard that she wanted me to take care of her family. How? In my head, I know that it's not Prim's fault, but my heart says otherwise. My heart screams at me to go kill her because she's the linchpin that took my Katniss away.

The crowd noticed that I was crying at this point and they cried with me. I don't care anymore, I'll take care of her family and that's all that I will be doing.

The replay ended and I left to prepare to leave without once looking back.


End file.
